Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's always time for handjobs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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