true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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