Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
