chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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