I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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