If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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