apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think your dad took our porno
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
