I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
