life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
