In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
