I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
