I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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