Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
