Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
