I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
