i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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