now i know why i became what i already was.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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