Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
