Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
