I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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