i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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