I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
