no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
