there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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