i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
