You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
