You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
