Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
