I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize