he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
