so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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