that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
