I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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