I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
