Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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