somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
