i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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