dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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