he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
