he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
