I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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