Do you still have your period?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
