My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
