how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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