for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
