i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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