aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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