Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
