STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
