The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
