i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
