Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
