Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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