Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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