areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
