When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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