if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
