I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
