How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
