Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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