she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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