Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
