I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
