This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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