Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
