To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
