her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
