finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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