It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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