There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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