Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm having to shit out rocks
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