Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
