You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
