Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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